Chapter two: Circles on Paper
After years of showing up for everyone else, David finally sits down to ask: Who’s shaping the vision for my life now—and what if all of me gets a voice?
David had always been the steady one.
He was the person people called when they needed perspective. When the car broke down. When the final draft needed reviewing. He was the one who made dinner without fanfare and cleaned up without complaint. A man of habits, calm on the outside.
But lately, the calm had turned cold. Predictable. Quiet in a way that didn’t soothe.
It was in the mornings, mostly—when the house was still and the kettle clicked off. He’d stare out the kitchen window with the same coffee mug in hand, the same dog-eared novel half-read beside him, and wonder—not with panic, but with dull ache—Is this it?
So when a colleague forwarded the course link with the note, “Thought of you,” David had paused longer than usual. Something in the title stuck.
Self-Led Life Design.
The word Self rattled gently inside him.
He registered that day.
And then ignored the welcome email for a week.
Now it was Week Two. The Zoom session had ended, but David stayed at the table, the afterglow of the call still in the air. He had scribbled the instructions down in his notebook:
Read your vision statement.
Sit quietly.
Ask: Who’s responding inside?
Map your parts.
His fingers tapped the side of his mug. His foot moved in circles under the chair. His jaw was tight in a way he didn’t notice until it released for a second—and then clenched again.
He took a breath and read the words aloud:
"I want to spend this next season creating meaningful, creative experiences with people who are curious, kind, and open to growth."
The first thing he noticed was a flicker in his chest—like something small had leaned forward to listen.
Then came the resistance:
“Don’t get too excited.”
“Who do you think you are?”
The thoughts arrived fast and familiar. His breath shortened. He shifted in his seat. His nervous system, always scanning, seemed unsure whether this was inspiration or danger.
Still, he picked up a pen.
In the center of a fresh sheet of paper, he drew a circle:
"My Vision"
The Builder
Upper left.
This part showed up with blueprints in hand. It had already broken the dream into objectives. SMART goals. Bullet points. “Meaningful creative experiences” meant community projects, design thinking sessions, maybe something intergenerational. It buzzed with energy—but underneath was tension. Urgency. Prove it. Do not waste time.
David noticed his shoulders tighten and wrote:
"The Builder"
The Achiever
This one arrived with a clipboard and a half-smile.
“If you’re going to dream, make it measurable. Make it respectable. Make it something people will admire.”
David felt a little heat behind his ears. His neck stiffened.
This part had helped him climb ladders, hold titles, earn nods of approval. It wasn't cruel. It was polished. Focused.
But right now, it felt like it was keeping him from something softer.
He labeled it:
"The Achiever"
The One Who Never Got Time
Lower right.
David froze as this one emerged. It didn’t speak—it felt. A warmth at the base of his neck. A tingle in his fingers. An ache just beneath his ribs. Images floated in—his sixteen-year-old self, covered in charcoal dust, hunched over a sketch pad in the basement. Smiling.
That version of him hadn’t been seen in decades.
Tears came suddenly—not many. Just enough to startle him.
He wrote:
"The One Who Never Got Time"
And let his hand rest over the words.
The Watchman
This part had been there the whole time—quiet, alert. Not judging, just watching.
It whispered in subtle tones:
“What if this doesn’t work?”
“What if you stir something that can’t be settled again?”
David nodded.
"The Watchman" got a place too.
When he looked up from the page, the room hadn’t changed.
But he had.
His breath was lower now. His chest more open. The coffee was still cold, but the silence didn’t feel empty anymore.
It felt like company.
He looked down at the circles—his parts, his protectors, his younger self.
For the first time in a long time, he felt like he wasn’t alone in trying to find his way forward.
He was walking with a whole team.
What Was Happening in David’s System?
David’s experience offers a glimpse into what it means to lead from Self—not by suppressing his parts, but by listening to them.
Using the IFS lens, we see:
The Builder and The Achiever are protector parts—focused on action, success, and external respect.
The One Who Never Got Time is likely an exile—holding creative longing and grief.
The Watchman is a hypervigilant protector—scanning for danger or failure.
From a polyvagal perspective:
David began in sympathetic activation—tension, rapid thought, shallow breath.
He shifted into ventral vagal (safe and connected) as he slowed down, drew, and witnessed his system with compassion.
This shift allowed his younger, creative part to emerge—not in chaos, but in trust.
This is the heart of Self-Led Life Design:
We don’t push the dream forward.
We pause and ask,
“Who’s leading it?”
Then we bring everyone to the table.
Reflection Prompt:
What happens in your body when you say your vision out loud?
What parts show up with questions, energy, or doubt?
Draw the circle.
Let them speak.
You’re not doing this alone.
Want more stories like this? Each week, we follow characters like David as they navigate the inward journey of designing a self-led life—guided by vision, rooted in giftedness, and led by something deeper than performance. Paid subscribers receive both these stories and weekly Self-Led Life Design content to support your own journey.
New IFS-Informed Recovery Meeting Launching June 12!
Thursdays @ 1:30pm Eastern / 7:30pm Berlin
Hosted by: Self-Led Recovery + Friendly Circle Berlin
We're excited to announce a new 12-week open group series beginning Thursday, June 12th—a collaboration between Self-Led Recovery and the Friendly Circle Berlin online recovery group.
This 90-minute weekly gathering is designed for anyone exploring healing through Internal Family Systems (IFS), recovery principles, and Self-leadership. You do not need to be an IFS expert or in a specific 12-step program to attend. All parts of you are welcome here.
Each week includes:
Gentle grounding + opening reflection
A reading or exercise from the Self-Led Recovery curriculum
Small breakout groups based on parts' needs or recovery paths
Optional Café Time after for connection + questions
First Meeting: Thursday, June 12th @ 1:30pm Eastern / 7:30pm Berlin
Zoom Info: Meeting ID# 550 501 9905 (no passcode needed)
Interested in Helping? Join Our Service Team Collaboration Calls!
If you’re curious about holding space, co-hosting, or simply supporting this series behind the scenes, we’d love to connect.
We’ll be meeting for 3 planning + training calls (join any or all):
📍 Thursday, May 22 @ 1:30pm Eastern
📍 Thursday, May 29 @ 1:30pm Eastern
📍 Thursday, June 5 @ 1:30pm Eastern
💻 Zoom Link for Service Team Calls Registration Link:
https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/1pJJlDQ8SXCY3gBhitkk_w
All levels of experience are welcome—from seasoned facilitators to quiet supporters. Training and support will be provided.
Come help us co-create a space where all parts are welcome and recovery becomes an inner and collective journey.
Wow! How is it another reading identified many of my parts and I found compassion and clarity again. Thank you ❤️