Why Quick Fixes Fail: The Power of Self-Leadership in the Workplace

IFS helps you move beyond surface solutions and build lasting resilience at work.

Samantha sat at her desk, staring at the email that had just popped into her inbox. The project she’d been leading for the past six months had officially failed. The client pulled out, citing dissatisfaction with the final result. A knot formed in her stomach as she scanned the message, her mind racing through all the possible fallout—her boss’s disappointment, her team’s frustration, the missed deadlines. She wanted to close her laptop, walk away, and pretend it wasn’t happening.

But she couldn’t. Samantha was the one in charge, and people were counting on her to act. So, without much thought, she began drafting a message to her team about “next steps,” already plotting out how she could salvage things and shift the focus to another task. Just keep moving, she told herself. No time to deal with the feelings.

As the afternoon passed, she threw herself into new work, replying to emails, attending meetings, and checking off tasks. Yet, no matter how busy she kept herself, she couldn’t shake the gnawing sense of failure. Each task felt heavier than the last, and by the time 5 p.m. rolled around, Samantha was completely drained. The quick fixes weren’t working, and beneath the surface, she knew something deeper needed attention.

That night, as she sat with her laptop open at the kitchen table, she decided to pause. She remembered something a colleague had mentioned about Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how it could help manage tough situations by connecting with the different parts of yourself. She had been skeptical at the time, but right now, anything seemed better than pushing forward while feeling this way.

Samantha closed her laptop and took a deep breath. She began to check in with herself, noticing the flurry of emotions beneath the surface. There was a part of her that was angry—furious, in fact—that the client had been so critical. This part was saying, "You did everything right, and they still pulled the plug!" It pushed her to keep working harder, to prove herself and avoid feeling like a failure. Then, there was another part of her, quieter but still there, that was deeply ashamed. This part whispered, “You let everyone down. Maybe you’re not cut out for this.”

As she continued to reflect, Samantha realized how much these parts had been driving her actions all day. The part that wanted to fix everything right away, that wanted to prove she wasn’t a failure—that’s the part that had pushed her to act immediately, to rush ahead and avoid the discomfort. But now, with the awareness that came from her Self, she could see these parts more clearly and recognize what they really needed.

She sat with the part that felt ashamed and offered it compassion. It wasn’t about fixing it or making it go away, but acknowledging its pain and showing it that she, as her Self, was there to support it. The anger she felt was valid, too, and as she allowed herself to be curious, she could see it was protecting her from the vulnerability of failure. She didn’t need to fight these parts or fix them; they simply needed her attention.

As Samantha spent more time in this state of Self-leadership, a sense of calm and clarity began to settle in. She realized that while the project’s failure was disappointing, it didn’t define her. She wasn’t just the sum of her successes or failures. With Self at the helm, she could allow her parts to rest, knowing they didn’t have to bear the entire burden alone.

The next day, Samantha went into work with a different energy. She still had tasks to complete, conversations to have, and decisions to make, but now, she was doing it from a place of calm and confidence, not from a desperate need to cover up her feelings. Her parts were still there—her inner critic, her perfectionist—but they weren’t in control. Instead, she was leading from Self, offering her parts the support they needed as she navigated the day’s challenges.

In IFS, this is the essence of Self-leadership—learning to recognize and care for the parts of us that arise in difficult moments, allowing us to respond with clarity, compassion, and confidence. It’s not about quick fixes or pushing through the pain. It’s about healing from within, so that we can move forward in a way that is authentic and sustainable. And in the workplace, just like in life, that makes all the difference.

---

Confidence, one of the 8Cs of Self-Leadership

• Behavior: Trust that you can handle life’s challenges by reminding yourself of times when you have succeeded or overcome difficulties in the past.

• Practice: Create a personal affirmation or mantra like, “I am capable of handling whatever comes my way,” and repeat it daily. Take small, manageable risks to build confidence in your ability to face discomfort.